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jmcgolf2                     Welcome to coarsegolf.com   

                              

The site for ordinary golfers .......

 

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   MAY ALL YOUR GOLFING DREAMS COME TRUE 

IN 2018

 
"The only way of really finding out a man's true character is to play golf with him. 
In no other walk of life does the cloven hoof so quickly display itself."  PG Wodehouse.
 
            

 

This is a site for ALL golfers - whatever your standard, however often you play, despite how old you are!!

cartoon-golfer

"The number of shots taken by an opponent who is out of sight is equal to the square root of the sum
of the number of curses heard plus the number of swishes. "  ~Michael Green, The Art of Coarse Golf, 1975

 


My original regular fourball was called the Saturday Strollers - maybe you can guess why?

      We were- 'Jammy' John ( that's me), 'Pan Pan' Paul, 'Dynamite' Dave & 'Anxious' Alan.

 

 

How did we get our original epithets?special_club_350

'Jammy' John ..... this originates from the first time I played with Paul. We were playing the par 5 13th - a dog leg right which can be difficult to reach in 3 if the wind is    against. I had struck two good shots and had an iron for the green. I was trying to impress as this was the first round on this course for Paul. I lined up and fired off the trusty 7 iron. Unfortunately I pulled the shot and the ball was heading directly for a copse of trees about 20 yards to the left of the green."Oh dear me how unfortunate" I remarked!! The ball flew into the trees connected with a crunch, rebounded out onto the green and ended up 5 feet from the pin. Paul was very impressed!! He called me something that equated to 'Jammy Sod'!       - So there you have it.

 

 

'Pan Pan' Paul.... is a result of an expedition that Paul made with a group of friends, which thankfully I was not on!! He was taking his boat - a twin engined cabin cruiser Lifeboats_2002which he had not long purchased - from Bristol to a berth in Weymouth around Land's End. This was no mean task for someone who had learned his  nautical ropes in the lake of St Georges Park!! But he had researched and planned the trip meticulously. It was a fine day and he set off in plenty of time. Apparently progress was good and the schedule was achieved until he was off the north coast of Cornwall. Suddenly the situation became 'awkward'  and he had to admit a failing in the planning - he had run out of fuel ... and they were starting to drift. What to do??? The only thing was to call the coastguard. The international call sign for a level 2 emergency is "Pan Pan"  - hence the name - and this alerts  shipping and coastguards to the emergency. The nice girl at the Mumbles coastguard station who received the call calmed the crew and alerted Padstow coastguard who immediately sent the local Lifeboat to the rescue. He had to be towed into Padstow harbour!!  Needless to say he now makes a generous annual donation to the north Cornwall Lifeboat association and he can always get a drink in Padstow!!

Paul has been renamed as 'The Squire' as a result of retiring to rural Farrington Gurney and taking up shootin, fishin and golfin.......

 

grizzly

 

Dynamite’ Dave – this derives from two sources. One refers to the fact that he is always so close to an explosive round of golf that could see his handicap falling down. On a recent occasion he ‘fired’ a 3 wood from 200 yards to the 18th green and secured a par 4 on one of the hardest holes on the course. This really was a dynamite shot !!

The other source refers to a slightly turbulent side: at heart Dave is a cuddly bear golfer……… but at times he can be a grizzly.  Rumour has it that his 7 iron needed a repair job after one on course ‘explosion’ !!

                                                                                                                 

                                                                                                               

                                                                                                                          A missed birdie!!

 

 

 

anxious ‘Anxious’ Alan ……. was employed by Dave and was always anxious to do well. He was anxious about   

 having golf lessons 

– his wife bought him lessons for his birthday several years ago but he 'never has time to take them up'. We  threatened to advertise them on e.bay as they are probably collectors items now!! We actually  think he is 'anxious' in case he gets better than the boss!  He might even let his wife take the lessons but that could cause more anxiety!!

 

Alan has been renamed 'Woody' as a consequence of a particularly traumatic round when he hit more trees than fairways. 

He is no longer anxious - he is a very confident instead - especially with his £14.99 Dunlop Driver. ......................
In 2017 he finally upgraded to a Callaway ....a bit more expensive than his Dunlop...but VERY effective.


 

We now have reformed and are now known as 'The Outlaws' - because we 'hold up' other golfers on the course !!

Sometimes we are called the 'Caravan Club' !!

'Dynamite' Dave has now retired and spends more and more time in his Spanish hacienda!!

We now have a new member -

'The Prof' previously known as 'Handy' Andy ......but now referred to by his professional title obtained in India !!

We also have 2 'honorary' members:

' Giant' James .....who looks like Finn Macool and hits the ball a country mile and even farther now he has new clubs.

and

'Havana' Tel ......the very generous cigar man who starts well .....!!

And now we have 2 more:   ............... 'Flaming' Phil and 'Tiger' Tim.

AND in 2009 : -  further additions - 

'Dodgy'  Dave - a leftie - who not only has experience of bandit country - but plays like one !! For example on 1st May playing off 24 he scored an NET 58 - that's 13 under !!

'Mumbles' Mike - a keen welsh patriot who will prove to be a strong contender playing off 28.

Cousin Cartwrights - Mark & Robert - will  not only reduce the average age considerably but will also reduce the average handicap.

2010 - another addition -

'Dealer' Dave or Pikey - known as 'dealer' because of the way he screwed down the golf manager to extract an exceptional deal for membership at Lansdown. He has returned to golf after 20 years and was finding it VERY frustrating. However, he has become a Life Member of the Golfing Bandits Union -- playing off 20 when he shoild be off 12.
Coarse Courses 
see Oake Manor.
2011 - another mug has joined us- 'Placid' Peter - younger brother of Jammy John - who has agreed to make up the numbers for this year's Roughryder trip to Normandy.
2012 - 'The Mighty Quinn' - has now joined our illustrious band of intrepid golfers. He has finally retired and has committed to playing regularly but is finding it difficult to adjust to the banter !!
2012-  'Metronome' Mike - who is currently out of action after back surgery and who is not so mild about some subjects !!
2013 - 'Iron Man' Chris - a colleague of 'Havana' Tel - not named after the popular comic character but as a consequence of only playing irons!! He can hit them a long way......
2013 - 'Ferocious' Fred - a ferocious striker of the ball who we have discovered is also a round the world  race yachtsman !!
2014 - 'Dapper' Dave - a late addition to our Roughryder group but a very welcome member ...


 

 

                            DO YOU KNOW THESE PEOPLE ?? whatnoise_350Sand-wedge_350

    

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


 


 

 

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