GOLF STORIES

Share your comic and tragic stories of the fairways - and the rough.

What about holes in One??  Share your achievement with others -- e.mail your success - - or near miss !!

  • French Fun:

Myself, Des Troyer and Jaws George were on a Brittany Break and were playing the beautiful course at Des Ormes.

On the third hole, a long uphill index 1 par 4, with a river on the left  and a hedge on the right, we had all driven off reasonably. Des Troyer, our resident left hander, is always one who will ' go for the green'. His second shot was almost 200 metres uphill.  George & I could see that he was winding himself up for the challenge and there was no holding back. He was a study in concentration as he unleashed everything - THWACK!! - the sound told us that he had hit it right out of the middle. The ball 'missiled' away  and we all homed in on it to follow it's flight to the green. Suddenly - SMACK-  it hit the end of a wall which was slightly jutting out from the hedge onto the fairway. The ball immediately and angrily engaged reverse thrust and exploded past a totally transfixed Des Troyer eventually coming to rest about 100 metres behind him. He was not amused!! Needless to say George and I dissolved into uncontrolable laughter. Only after 10 minutes were we able to continue. Des Troyer was now Des Traut!

  • Shortwood Shortfall:

About 20 years ago as I started playing this wonderfully challenging game I was playing with my brother-in-law, Mike, and my brother, Pete, at Shortwood pay as you play course. We started badly at the first hole. My brother and I went out of bounds on the right and Mike, who started left handed went out of bounds on the left!! We gradually improved - in as much as we kept our golf balls in play more often than out of play. None of us played  well. In fact we played consistently inconsistent. Mike was gettting more and more frustrated as he could not hit 2 good shots in a row. He tried every club from every angle. He even thought about playing right handed. But after hacking around for 13 holes he had had enough. He decided that  only one club in the bag gave him the consistency of straight hitting - the putter. He proceeded to play the rest of the round with this one club. Interestingly, from there on he did as well as any of us!!

  • Painswick Pain:

The quaint and tight course at Painswick was the venue for another memorable recollection. 'Tetchy' Terry, myself and my son Michael, who was only 14 at the time, visited this course on a beautiful summer afternoon. Terry and I had been playing a lot of golf then but not especially well. We had never played here before. Terry had just been given a brand new white golf bag as a birthday present and it seemed to be making a difference to his game. He was having a dream of a round - mainly pars with a few birdies and bogeys - but definitely his best round probably ever! Mike and I were merely making up the numbers. Things were going well and he was flying. Drives were going straight,  irons were nailed to the green and putts dropped consistently. On the par 4 13th hole he again had a lovely drive and his iron to the  green ended up below the flag but just off the green. After I had retrieved my ball from the quarry on the left hand side I arrived  to see that the flag was on the top tier of a 3 tiered and heavily sloping green. Terry lined up the putt for a another birdie - up the first tier it went  but then came back down again. He said something quietly under his breath. Still putting for a par he stroked the ball again - this time a little farther - but the same result back down at his feet. He said something a bit louder this time. Once more and the same thing happened. It was then that I feared the worst and looked at Michael to try to alert him. Terry was beginning to boil. He tried again and again the same outcome. I was willing myself and Mike NOT to laugh ( it was very tempting) but having played with Terry a lot I knew this was not an appropriate response!! Terry's happy demeanour had suddenly and irretrievably disappeared. He tried again this time keeping the ball on the second tier. Again he strove to get the ball in the hole - even now I was inwardly shouting ' get in the hole!!'  -  but it didn't. Thankfully though he did get down in 10 - only 8 putts - and more thankfully neither Mike or myself laughed - then. Unfortunately Terry's brand new golf bag now has an extra hole in it !!

  • Bristol Bouncing Bomber:

I was playing the Bristol course with the Stragglers on a beautiful evening in June. The second hole is a par 3 over water, which shouldn't really come into play. Some of us had been talking before hand about Sky Sports showing  Tiger playing deliberate bouncing shots across a lake and marvelled at the confidence of someone to actuallydo this. Anyway i teed up for my shot and immediately remembered the conversation. It also entered my mind that water is a problem for me on golf courses. Having failed to clear my mind of these  negative thoughts I proceeded to fail to strike the ball cleanly. I thinned the shot and watched in trepidation as my ball bounced alarmingly across the water and just managed to reach land on the other side. I managed to scramble a 4!!  'Jammy' came up again in the  ensuing conversation!!

  • 'Reverse Swing'!! :

 'Captain'  Al (previously Anxious but renamed on account of his promotion to captain the Stragglers team), 'The Squire' (previously Pan Pan Paul but renamed on account of the fact that he was now living as country gent in deepest Zummerset and spending most of his time huntin' shootin' '& fishin'  and the rest of his time golfin') and myself - (still  'Jammy' John on account of my outrageous good fortune on the golf course) were playing in a medal competition on a hot summer  July Saturday. The first hole was memorable in its mediocrity. And so we teed up at the second : Paul fired his drive off - he was in a rich vein of form. I managed to smack a good drive and so it was up to Al , who had been playing well recently. I think he was under pressure as he had seen 2 good drives swung away. Anyway in true determined  captain -style he strode to the tee. We could see that he meant to fire the ball way down the fairway. He took his stance and swung his club - As so often happens in these situation where you are trying to knock the dimples off the ball his head was up before he had completed the down swing , the club's head was off at a tangent to the line and suddenly he was dancing. It took us a few seconds to realise why. He had amazingly jumped to avoid the ball. He had made a total Ericksson of his strike and had managed to miss most of the ball and only connected with the heel of his wood on the FRONT of the ball. Consequently he had hit the ball BACKWARDS!!

This is the only time I have ever witnessed this reverse thrust off the tee.. Needless to say I was unable to stiffle my laughter. Fair play to Al. He also saw the funny side - thankfully for me.

  •  'Very Handy Andy' :

It was a usual September Saturday  outing  in the  rarified micro climate atmosphere above Bath. The mist was rolling eirily across the fairways and the chill of autumn was in the air.

Myself, Alan & Andy were the survivors as 'The Squire' was off playing sailors and 'Dynamite' was incognito elsewhere.

Andy had experienced a good day the previous week when his putting was imperious as he and myself, thrashed Paul & Al 7 & 6!!  However, today was a different matter. Andy had a nightmare. It was one of those days when absolutely nothing goes right and you begin to wonder whether you can actually play this game! We were playing 4,2 0, and I had taken the first nine. The second nine was looking like mine againafter 14. However a nil points on the 15th following a drive into the corn field changed the complexion. On the 16th things changed. After another unremarkable drive Andy had manged to get to 130 yards from the green in 2. Al was within striking distance and so was I. Andy took a practice swing and then set himself for his shot. AL and I watched on. He swung his club smoothly but immediately let out a long groan "oooooooooooooooooooohhh!! suggesting that he had mis hit his ball again. With that we watched the ball land on the green, roll towards the flag and then disappear. " It's gone down the hole" Al exclaimed. Andy looked on in amazement and myself in disbelief. Andy was delirious. Very Handy!!

From then on he was rampant Everything from 1 - 15 was suddenly forgotten. He wanted play another 9.

 

  • 'Woody' Alan :

Our Saturday fourball was playing our normal game one early year weekend. Alan had been striking the ball particularly well for 3 holes and was leading the way. The 4th hole is a narrow avenued par 4 - not long but requiring accurate tee shots. Three of us negotiated the first shot well when Alan reached for his trusty 5 wood. He steadied himself  set himself  with a confidend air. He drew back his club and let fly- crack- we all followed the fight of the ball - and all groaned in unison  - the ball was heading for the woods on the left and out of bounds. The other 3 turned away- Alan despondently - while I continued watching. The ball disappeared into the woods - and then suddenly re-appeared as if thrown deliberately by an unseen hand - right into the middle of the fairway. "It's come out again," I shouted, " right into the middle of the fairway". " You're joking" Alan responded. " I am not," I reassured him, "there it is - see for your self," and pointed to the ball which seemed to be sparkiling in the morning dew. " And you call me Jammy ! " I chided him.

 

  • 'Squirty' Squire:

It was the last Saturday of January 2009 - the day before the dreaded 'subs' were due. The wind blew bitterly from the east - an unusual direction for Lansdown - and we were playing for a discount for these subs - £1 !!!! Nevertheless the competition was as usual as fierce as the wind. The Squire and Woody were taking on Handy and Jammy - little did they know at the start that they may need to re-name before the end of the round!!

The Squire started in his usual nonchalant manner - arriving late and keeping the rest of us waiting impatiently on the tee - but proceeding to split the fairway with his drive, on the green in regulation and down for the par 5 to take an immediate lead. The warning signs were there !! It was nip and tuck for the next 5 holes and Handy and Jammy had gone 1 up. Intending to make a charge they teed off with intent at the 7th. Woody duffed his drive and the Squire faded his behind the trees to the right of the fairway.

Handy & Jammy were in pole position but their 2nd shots were blown off course and didn't make the green - 1 just short and the other in the greenside bunker . Woody struggled to get there in 4 while the Squire faded his next shot even farther right behind the trees to the right of the green - a horrible looking shot to come. It looked even more likely that H & J would go 2 up. The Squire eventually found his ball and was looking at floating a sand wedge over the trees, over the bunker and softly onto the green - a shot he was perfectly capable of executing. He took his time and then struck - 'couldn't go over it, couldn't go round it - had to go through it !!'  suddenly came to mind.

He thinned his shot and squirted the ball  at pace through the copse of trees without hitting one, bounced heavily in the bunker, which took the sting out of it, and hopped over the lip rolling down to 12 inches from the hole for a gimme and down for 4. He appeared from behind the trees with that infuriating smile knowing that something very special had happened. Needless to say neither Handy nor Jammy managed to get down in 2 from where they were.  ALL SQUARE.

 

  • Lansdown Last Hole Shoot Out

Over the years our usual Saturday fourball has seen some decidedly ropey golf along with some delightfully impressive golf. This particular Saturday was no different. Alan & Paul were playing the current champions Andy & John.

The round was another mix of eminently forgettable golf interspersed with occasional individual brilliance. Andy and John were 2 up on the turn and were quietly confident of pulling off another W and taking the money. After 15 holes they were 3 up with 3 to play. Trying to block out the reminders that they were in a 2 up with 2 to play situation the previous week they conspired to lose the next 2 holes to some very good golf from Alan and Paul who had finally found their touch. Paul especially had been badly out of sorts.

 

It was all on the last  - a difficult par 4 , stroke index 4 - where everyone except John had a shot. Paul pulled his shot left and looked to be blocked out by trees for his next shot. Alan hit a corker down the right hand side of the fairway. Andy and John had reasonable drives and were on the fairway and in a good position for their next shots.

Paul discovered that he was not quite blocked by the trees but needed an accurate shot to leave his next shot to the green. He hit an absolute scorcher drawing the ball slightly along the curve of the tree line and ended up a 9 iron from the green in prime position.

John pushed his next shot towards trees on the right of the fairway and looked to be in trouble. Andy hit a relatively safe shot and ended up a five iron from the green. Alan hit another corker and was within a seven iron from the green.

It was advantage to Alan and  Paul.

 

Andy lined up his next shot and was a picture of concentration; he let fly and arrowed straight to the green – and excellent shot. John found his ball in the trees but with just a chance of getting the ball up and over. With his trusty  8 iron he made perfect contact and ended up on the green. “That’s two of us on the green” he boasted to the others trying to place just a little more pressure on them.

Alan was next and blocking out all the nonsense he proceeded to play a lovely shot onto the green and even closer to the hole than Andy.

It was now Paul’s turn and he had started playing single figure golf over the last few holes. He struck the ball perfectly and even got some check on the second bounce and ended closest to the flag. “Great shots under pressure “ John and Andy congratulated them through gritted teeth.

 

When we arrived at the green it was amazing to discover all four balls on the green in 3 shots. We had never ever achieved this before together.

But now was the deciding play – who was going to be hero and who was going to be zero !!??

Andy putted first from 60 feet away and got it within 2 feet.

Alan was next from 40 feet away and it looked in until the last 3 feet when it speeded up and went right and past another 4 feet.

John was next and had a nasty 30 footer. He lined up and gave full attention to this crucial putt. With no shot he had to putt it even though Andy was just about dead for his next putt. “ Come on get a move on “ Alan chided him in an attempt to distract him.

John swung his putter – it was a good putt and looked as though it was going to be close – but was it close enough – it looked to be going to just miss on the right.? It clipped Andy’s marker which seemed to propel it towards the hole but suddenly it ran out of momentum and as if in slow motion suddenly s l o w e d and s t o p p e d right on the edge of the hole. Time stopped as well for John and then the ball suddenly dropped into the hole. “Yeeeesssssss!!” John pumped the air with his fist and high fived his partner Andy.

 

BUT THE GAME WAS NOT FINISHED YET- Paul still had a putt for the hole to half the match. He lined up and looked confident over the ball. Taking his putter back smoothly he released the ball towards the hole. Breathlessly the others watched – but groans greeted the result as the ball fell short of its target. ………………..Andy and John had taken the money again …….

 

But what a last hole – it was the best last hole that they had ever played together. Four net 4s.

 

  • Off His Trolley…..

 

Alan & I were playing for the stragglers against Filton one cold blustery early summer evening in May. We were trying to complete a maiden victory after 3 years of trying. Our opponents were Sandy and Rob two excellent coves who were good company and with similar humour. We were nip and tuck for most of the game.

Alan was playing particularly well and his £6 driver really came into its own on this particular evening. On the 7th index 1 hole his drive dissected the fairway – it was without doubt his best drive ever. Despite a dodgy 2nd shot he was able to carve  a half for us.

He had fairly recently invested in a power caddy and a new bag with bright orange inserts – unmissable!! This was proving invaluable on some of the hills. The 13th index 2 hole was one such hole which proved to be a loss for us as Sandy made an excellent par following brilliant course management. The next tee bordered the green and was encircled on the far side of it by some bushes which sheltered it from the 18th fairway.

As we approached the tee Alan suddenly exclaimed “ where are my clubs – where’s my trolley?” The rest of us looked around but there were only 3 sets of clubs in sight. “Someone’s nicked my clubs “ he continued as we all stood bewildered as there was no one else in sight. Suddenly Alan dashed between the bushes and disappeared. As I was looking after him I noticed out of the corner of my eye something orange tracing an arc around  the bushes at the back of the tee and suddenly Alan chasing after it.

The three of us dissolved in laughter until Alan came huffing and puffing back to the tee. “Bloody hell” he said, “ this things got a mind of it’s own”.

Thankfully we were able to continue our cracking competition which went all the way to the last putt on the last hole. Unfortunately it did not go down and we lost again….

 

 

  •   Unlucky 13

One  Wednesday in June Paul & I decided to play the monthly medal. It turned out to be a strange afternoon in more ways than one.  Down below the weather was quite pleasant yet a little chilly for the time of year. Up on Lansdown, however, the micro climate came into its own and it proved to be a cold and misty mix.

We were both quietly confident of having a good round as we had been playing fairly well recently. The first 9 holes were fairly uneventful and we were playing close to our handicaps. The second nine was going to make or break our medal rounds. I was more than quietly confident that I would play to my par until I reached what proved to be the unlucky 13th!!

 

I teed off in a tight mist and pulled my drive left which was unusual for me. I did not see the ball finish up but was concerned enough to take a provisional, worried that I may have found the long, thick and straggly rough which awaited the wayward shots. Paul drove straight down the middle into the denseness of the mist.

 

I walked blindly in the direction in which my ball had disappeared. There was no sign on the fairway - so it was off into the rough. I searched unenthusiastically for the ball aware that my provisional was in a good position on the fairway. Just as I had given up my dear old pal Paul suddenly exclaimed “ here it is!”. To say I was pleased would indeed be a lie. I was even more disturbed when I saw the lie of the ball. It was in the most horrendous position at the foot of a large tuft of long, harsh grass about 6 feet from the sanctuary of the fairway.

 

“Ah well”, I thought  “ I’ll have to give it a go.”  Six hacks later I was eventually on the fairway. Five more strikes and I was finally down – for a 12 !!! 

Bye Bye medal round…..  many thanks Paul………….


  •  Singing in the Rain

On a bright summer afternoon in July myself, Patrick and Pikey agreed to play at Thornbury on the par 3 course. Pat was just starting to play and wanted to test himself on a course rather than at the driving range. He was looking to develop his game to occupy some of his time in retirement. Pikey had just started back playing again after 20 years and was enthusiastic but frustrated that he could not immediately do what he had previously achieved. He was very cocky about his new umbrella though and had been extolling its virtues as a premier  piece of golfing equipment with graphite shaft and anti-wind flaps and even a push button quick action erection mechanism. 
Anyway we teed off and it was clear that Pat's lessons were paying off. He easily won the first hole with a par when Pikey lost 2 balls and I just managed a bogey. We continued to play reasonable golf and enjoyed some friendly banter both between holes and during play!!
At the 8th hole it suddenly started to rain. I quickly and expertly donned my wet weather gear and Pat got his wet jacket on quickly too as we moved on after teeing off. I then realised that Pikey was not with us. I turned around to observe him struggling to extract his 'super' umbrella from the straps on his golf bag. He continued to struggle and I suddenly was consumed by laughter at the irony of the situation.
I was laughing so loudly that Pat turned around to be confronted by the sight of Pikey - now soaking wet - trying to get at his pride and joy. He was unable to prevent himself from joining in. "Good job you got that ace umbrella Dave" I chided him as he continued to struggle "bloody good features, well made and looks good"  "But its no use at all if you can't get it off your bag."
I then managed to release the straps of the bag and free the brolley. By then the rain had stopped......................

  • Picnic Pikey

It was a beautiful, hot spring day. The golf course on the hills near Bath was in excellent nick for so early in the season and the 3 amigos – Squire, Jammy and Pikey had agreed to play in the midweek  stableford  competition . True to their early season form their golf was up and down – most of the putts stayed up and very few went down. Nevertheless the golf was enjoyable and the banter was sharp. No course records were going to be broken but bragging rights were worth playing for.

The 14th hole is a long par 3 which is adjacent to the Cotswold Way path – very popular with walkers of all ages.  It affords extensive views over Bristol  to the Severn and beyond. “ You can see 4 bridges from here “ said Jammy. “I can see 3 but where is the Forth? “ asked Pikey . “ In Scotland!!” laughed the Squire surprised that Pikey had fallen for the trap.

Jammy & the Squire teed off. Neither of them mentioned  the wall on the right or the open gate which framed a duo of walkers who had stopped for a picnic and to admire the views for fear of establishing a thought which could be transferred into a wayward shot.

Pikey teed up and took his deliberate time to strike the white ball. Away it flew and the 3 friends followed its path ..... towards the picnic pair. “FORE.......” bellowed the Squire to no avail as they did not move a muscle.  Pikey turned away immediately muttering curses to himself for such a bad shot.  “Good of you to warn those picnickers “ chided Jammy.  Pikey ignored him.  “ I think you need to go and apologise to those two  “ he continued – again receiving no response. They both trudged towards the wall which separated the course from the escarpment.

Jammy was expecting Pikey to apologise profusely for endangering their life, destroying the tranquillity of their moment and interrupting their picnic. Arriving adjacent to them first he waited wondering how Pikey was going to approach this. He looked over the wall “Did you see where my ball went....?” was his unexpected opening. Jammy looked on in astonishment as the two actually got up to look for his ball!!

As they walked on to the next tee he baited Pikey  “ Well that was a brilliant apology – you could get a job in the diplomatic corp with that.. Not even a hint of  remorse. There was the woman with a golf ball stuck in her sandwich and the best you can come out with is ‘did you see where my ball went ‘!! You’re priceless Pikey.”



  • Tempting Fate

The 6th hole at Lansdown is the hardest hole on the course and has destroyed many golfers excellent start to a round.

Pikey, Woody and Jammy were playing a friendly competitive Saturday morning round on a pleasant but windy day in May. We were playing ‘skins’  - you had to win a hole outright to score a point. It was ¾ handicap difference against me as the lowest handicap. As a consequence Pikey had 11 shots, Woody had 6 shots and muggins was playing scratch.

By the 6th tee the scores were Jammy 3, Pikey 1 and Woody 0. Pikey was always likely to emphasise the shots that he had over everyone playing as he did off a criminal 25 handicap. On the 6th tee he proclaimed challengingly “ I’ve got a shot on this hole !!”....... “Uh, Uh,” said Woody, “I don’t think you should have said that you’ll probably smack it out of bounds now.”  Pikey seemed to realise that he may have tempted fate so he took even more time to settle on the tee and to compose himself. He slowly drew the club backwards and smoothly swung through and at the ball. He sighed in relief as the ball did not head for out of bounds but it did land in an awkward position at the base of the trees bordering the 4th fairway.

Woody and Jammy walked down the 6th towards their well placed drives. Pikey headed off to check his lie for the next shot. He had a tight line to the 6th green and would do well to get his ball back into play to get a 3rd shot to the green. He hit a solid shot but unfortunately his ball hit a tree full on and dropped straight down. He was not happy. It was clear that he was beginning to regret his statement on the tee. His next shot was vital. He swung fully and it seemed he was going for broke – unfortunately he was broke as the ball sailed high and wide and out of bounds. I cannot imagine what his thoughts were....

He dropped another ball and was now playing his 5th shot !! He gave it a mighty thwack. Woody and I heard the contact and then another and saw the ball hit the large stone marker for the 4th tee and cannon viciously  backwards and sideways left almost ending up out of bounds behind Pikey on the other side of the 6th fairway.  Woody and I dissolved into uncontrolled laughter. I was still laughing when he took his 6th shot and increased my mirth further when his ball then hit the telephone wires crossing the fairway. “ I’ve hit wood, stone and wires now” he grumbled.

His 7th shot ended up on the top side of the sloping green. The flag was on the low side of the green and he chipped down towards it...... on and on and on and into the bunker. “ Sand”   I chortled,  “Full House now”. Woody I were now hysterical. Pikey picked up from the bunker unwilling to tempt fate even further.

“Well” I said “ at least you had a shot on that hole” ..... and ran away to the next tee.


  • Proud Peter
Peter was on his first Roughryder Golf trip and we were playing the beautiful courses of Normandy around Deauville. Our last round was at   Golf de Cabourg  - a very interesting course which is part parkland and part links. He had really enjoyed the trip and had played some good golf for a beginner. The 15th hole is a very short par 3 of only 91 metres. The tee is in an elevated position and alongside the hole on the right is a public footpath which continues on the same level as the tee thus having the green always below it in a saucer. Peter teed up carefully and was fairly confident as it was a short hole. He swung his club but unfortunately sliced the ball directly onto the path and watched as the ball bounced merrily along its length narrowly missing a couple of walkers. Suddenly a cyclist appeared coming towards the ball. He managed to avoid it and pulled to a stop. Unsure of his intentions Peter and his 3 fellow golfers stopped - awaiting the outcome. He dismounted and picked up the ball. "Uh Oh" - they thought the worst but the cyclist lobbed the ball gently onto the green where it landed kindly enough for Peter to score a proud 2 !!  And they call me Jammy.....


  • Mighty 'Wilson' Quinn

Patrick has only recently started playing seriously. He is actually doing very well for a novice tending to hit the ball straight more often than not. However, he is still learning the tough lessons of etiquette. For example he still has a tendency to ask questions when someone is preparing to take a shot .. not a good idea.
One important issue which we were discussing on our last round was 'marking' your golf ball. Patrick had actually brought the subject up saying ' I suppose I should have marks on my ball to be able to identify it.."  Most definitely I agreed and essential as well especially in competitions. I said " I'll mark your ball at the next tee," and subsequently marked PQ in black indelible ink on his ball.
At the next green I looked for his ball but could only find a Wilson ball. "Patrick!!" I exclaimed " what happened to the ball that we marked on the tee?"  "Oh I put it in my bag" he replied innocently. We completed the hole and moved on. I assumed that he would exchange balls at the next tee but while looking for his ball after his tee shot we came across the Wilson marked ball again!!!  " Patrick" I complained "why did I bother to mark that ball for you..... we'll just call you Wilson from now on and you can have your personalised marked ball."


  • By the Way....

Christmas Golf is always on our agenda for the end of year and preparations can begin quite early on.

In 2012 Paul made all the arrangements and organised a great Christmas golf day at the Mendip Golf Club. The course and the food was excellent and some of the golf was quite good as well!!


This year, however, Paul had a health scare in September at the Super Stragglers event when he took a dive when the fines were just starting - later claiming that he had fainted!!


1st  “By the way…..  I think it would be sensible if someone else organised the Christmas bash this year as I might be in hospital or indisposed in some way.”  We thought that this would be OK and several venues were suggested - St Pierre- where we could get a corporate booking; Weston Super Mare- where we can play under the RAGS scheme for a tenner; Castle Combe - where we had enjoyed a fantastic steak on a Christmas event some years ago;and the Mendip again.

However, we should have guessed …….   at regular intervals over the next 10 weeks  an  updated roadmap of “By the way ..” preparations for our golf bash fell into place.


2nd  “By the way… I have arranged our Christmas golf ”  Paul suddenly announced 2 weeks later.


3rd  “By the way… I think I can get a good deal for us”. Great we all thought £10 RAG deal for golf and another tenner for the food.


4th  “By the way….” I’ve booked us in to play at Bassett Down for 12 December - I can get a good deal there as I know someone who works there.”   What happened to St Pierre or Castle Combe or W S M ??  Ah well….. but where the hell is Bassett Down??


5th  A Double  “By the way….  We are having Steak & Ale pie for our meal and 3 courses.”  and  “By the way”  Bassett Down is a 9 hole course -  But we can play the 9 twice.”


6th  “By the way…. It’s not Steak and Ale pie its Cottage Pie and only 2 courses…”


7th  “By the way…. There are no changing facilities !!”


8th  “By the way…. It’s going to cost you £30…!! ”


9th “By the way …. I’m going to be late as I decided to follow my Sat Nav directions to get here.”


10th “By the way … I’ve changed the rules ..!! “



The “By the way”  Christmas 2013 golf bash at Royal Bassett Down, Swindon, was excellent.  

By the way ...... Well done Paul !!!!


  • A Golf Lesson ..... December 2014
Last week I played with my friend Dave

Who decided to dip one foot in his grave

Whilst walking along and 'chewing the cud'

He suddenly collapsed with a terrible thud

He lay very still and on his side

And I really thought that he had died

A wicked thought came over me

Where will I get my next pink tee?

But then his eyelids started to flutter

And old Pikey began to mutter

'I scored an albatross on seven'

He really must have visited heaven

He managed to stand without a sag

But was more concerned about his bag

Don't worry or you'll get more tense

Your bag is snagged against the fence

Get checked out for this or you'll be pork

I can't he said I'm off to New York

The moral of this little rhyme ?

You never know when it's your time!!



 

   
   
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